Saturday, November 10, 2007

Loneliness Is Tragical..

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'loneliness is tragical..' ever wondered where i got inspiration for that? well, after a while being alone, with nobody to talks to.. you'll find the loneliness is the purest of pain aside of the tragical things.. lots of thing happened around me, sometimes i don't even can say anything other than keep in silence, let the truth come by it self.. i blamed my self for all of this, i always saying this is my big ever mistakes..

actually i miss my mom alot.. so much than i can ever imagine, i miss the moment i share my feelings with my mom, share my secrets to her.. but now i'm here, i don't even have somebody to talk to.. i call my mom, and i suddenly cry, that the time where i realize i miss my mom so much.. it's hard being here, but somehow.. it's an experience, which i think i never can learn if i stay back in my hometown.. i've learned to not to believe people smile at you and can assumed that person is a good person.. well, it's kl dude!! you're on a battle to survive here.. it's on your own..

money also is an important things for you to survive in this crowded places.. owh, i can say here money is your roleplay, you've got the money than you're the king.. but if you don't, don't you ever dare to dream of being somebody friends.. yeah, it's true.. i miss the time where we can say 'happy together, sad together..' moments.. i still remember how the society looked at me when i'm jobless, gosh i hate to live that moment so much.. the way they talk, sometimes i think i wanna to just jump in the middle of the highway and let somebody hit me.. haha, how silly my imagination..

i talked to my dad also.. he said about buying me a car or what so ever, but i think i still not ready to pay something that much~ gosh i missed the moment i sit on his side and watching him gardening.. i missed my father beautiful and peaceful garden infront of our home in KK, i miss my father cats, which i don't know how much he got today.. haha..

hmm, forget to talk with my little brother.. i tried to imagine how was him this days.. the last time i saw him was on the day i came here, which still tall than me but skinny.. somehow, my mom said my little brother body kinda tough and not skinny anymore.. hmm, how can i win a fight with him? i still remembered last year my father bought him a set of body builder set, well.. it's kinda funny when my father blocked at the departure hall because bringing something that 'to hurt somebody' things in the plane.. but lucky him, my dad manage to bring that things on flight and bring back to him as his 15th birthday..

last raya was the first time i'm not around the family.. well, another new experience for me also.. haha, being far of the family help me to grow up? naaahhh!!! hell no!!! i think i've being more childish than i ever was.. hahaha~ people claim that i'm a stubborn person.. well, do i? i've been thinking of that alot.. hahaha, i think i just following the flow of the weird culture here.. but they still said that i'm not following the flow, i've try my best to be in the society and be part of the culture..

well, i think all said and done.. the only things right now is to go with flow, expect the unexpected and live the way you want to live, as long as you happy with your life.. just go on with your mistakes because we're not perfect.. hahaha.. peace~

Thursday, November 01, 2007

THINK, feel & Observe

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yeah!! today is the well waiting day of the week.. it's off day!!~ gosh i've been waiting for this day since last sunday.. it's kinda fun, but somehow i felt so empty already.. might because i'm alone in this house or i just don't have company to hangout with.. haha, sound weird for this situation, but if i think logically.. it's normal for me.. ahaha!!~ stupid weirdo rite? when i'm in this situation, i feel like i wanna go out.. but if i'm out there, and when i'm seing so many people hangout with, it's no point for me being there alone, rite? so.. it's better for me to just stay in the house..

few things happen lately, which cause many changes in my life.. to think what happen, somehow it's feel like it the great big stupid mistakes~ to feel, naahh!!! it's doesn't bother me but if to observe, it's kinda funny.. why? stupidity and unpationate was the great stupid reason for all sake of this.. haha, how strange is that? it's normal anyway.. everythings happen wit a cause and will cause another things to happen.. sometimes, it's better to just keep in silent, observe what ever happen cause the reason if this things was just a silly miscommunication.. should i said that? hahaha.. or shall i say the real reason for all of this matter is 'dun shut up ur big stupid mouth'.. hahaha~~

i went to my office today with a smile on my face.. gosh, i like working with streamyx.. everyday is just another different day, and full of unexpecting things.. the salary will be paid tomorrow or around next week, hahaha!! can i wait without asking my parent to give me loan some money to survive? well, all i can do is to try my best.. today is today, tomorrow for tomorrow, rite? it's kinda hard to go to work without transportation.. have to rent a cab to go which cost about rm15 a day.. gosh! i need a car!! but, after all i've been through lately, it's better to just go on with the taxi than have a car on your own.. rite?

i've just realize that in life, i've hurt so many people with or without my realization.. strange or normal? it's normal rite? somehow, your action or your words it's just a like you always said, a silly things but it will cause a big things to others.. need to understand actually, but what can i do to make them understand my reaction? it's like i've done my part, please do understand the reason and u just have to do your part, as simple as that.. always, people only think their rights and of coz, big effect will be on u.. hahaha, get it suckers? your part u've done something wrong, whole big things even the most 'unrealize' will be shown in front of your eyes.. isn't that just a silly things? forgive and forget, that's simple right? but people nowadays will say, forgive but never forget.. hahaha, just try to laugh, but if you on my side, you'll understand the difficulty of being centered.. you'll understand the hurt of being hurt by action and reaction.. for a silly mistake, i lost someone i love so much and by a silly reason, i miss dat person more than i ever do.. and by a silly reason, i'm here far-far away from my mum n dad.. gosh, this time and in this situation, i miss them so much.. hoping and praying that i'll never ever choose this stupid way of life.. but, done is done, action taken and to turned back is a wrong choice right now, no retreat no surrender..

come on dude, i can do it.. so do you~ you can make it.. haha, from just one little bag which fit my best cloth, i've come this far.. how can i leave it so easily? it hard for serious shit for me to came as far as this on my own.. now, i've my own bed.. which before i only borrow pillow from someone.. my own gifted drawer (thanx yus!!) and, owh.. my dvd player.. hahaha.. i dun ever can imagine i can go this far, like i said.. begining with one single bag to one whole big over limit luggage to bring back, should i? hahahha..

all said and done, but i've to think the consequences of my reaction.. does it important to be a perfect person with perfect people surround you or being alone just because you want to be yourself.. hmm, i wonder why i'm not a 'likeable' person, might be because i can't fit with the society or i just not-so-perfect person to be around with.. well, isn't FEELING is important to? i'm human also dude, i've feeling, i have a heart.. i'm not a heartless and mentionless person for everythings you've done.. might be i just keep in silent, ignored your action but when my limit reach it's point, you never can imagine what might happen..

to observe the mentionless things inside me is might not so hard, just be around me.. and soon or later you'll see the true colour of my self.. it's not cost you a thing to give it a try rite? the reason why i'm writing this is just because i'm kinda bored at this moment.. don't mention why it can be as far as this.. the idea is keep on coming.. but now, my mind empty already.. so, as simple as i began.. as simple is that i end.. til next time, peace out..

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