Thursday, November 01, 2007

THINK, feel & Observe

yeah!! today is the well waiting day of the week.. it's off day!!~ gosh i've been waiting for this day since last sunday.. it's kinda fun, but somehow i felt so empty already.. might because i'm alone in this house or i just don't have company to hangout with.. haha, sound weird for this situation, but if i think logically.. it's normal for me.. ahaha!!~ stupid weirdo rite? when i'm in this situation, i feel like i wanna go out.. but if i'm out there, and when i'm seing so many people hangout with, it's no point for me being there alone, rite? so.. it's better for me to just stay in the house..

few things happen lately, which cause many changes in my life.. to think what happen, somehow it's feel like it the great big stupid mistakes~ to feel, naahh!!! it's doesn't bother me but if to observe, it's kinda funny.. why? stupidity and unpationate was the great stupid reason for all sake of this.. haha, how strange is that? it's normal anyway.. everythings happen wit a cause and will cause another things to happen.. sometimes, it's better to just keep in silent, observe what ever happen cause the reason if this things was just a silly miscommunication.. should i said that? hahaha.. or shall i say the real reason for all of this matter is 'dun shut up ur big stupid mouth'.. hahaha~~

i went to my office today with a smile on my face.. gosh, i like working with streamyx.. everyday is just another different day, and full of unexpecting things.. the salary will be paid tomorrow or around next week, hahaha!! can i wait without asking my parent to give me loan some money to survive? well, all i can do is to try my best.. today is today, tomorrow for tomorrow, rite? it's kinda hard to go to work without transportation.. have to rent a cab to go which cost about rm15 a day.. gosh! i need a car!! but, after all i've been through lately, it's better to just go on with the taxi than have a car on your own.. rite?

i've just realize that in life, i've hurt so many people with or without my realization.. strange or normal? it's normal rite? somehow, your action or your words it's just a like you always said, a silly things but it will cause a big things to others.. need to understand actually, but what can i do to make them understand my reaction? it's like i've done my part, please do understand the reason and u just have to do your part, as simple as that.. always, people only think their rights and of coz, big effect will be on u.. hahaha, get it suckers? your part u've done something wrong, whole big things even the most 'unrealize' will be shown in front of your eyes.. isn't that just a silly things? forgive and forget, that's simple right? but people nowadays will say, forgive but never forget.. hahaha, just try to laugh, but if you on my side, you'll understand the difficulty of being centered.. you'll understand the hurt of being hurt by action and reaction.. for a silly mistake, i lost someone i love so much and by a silly reason, i miss dat person more than i ever do.. and by a silly reason, i'm here far-far away from my mum n dad.. gosh, this time and in this situation, i miss them so much.. hoping and praying that i'll never ever choose this stupid way of life.. but, done is done, action taken and to turned back is a wrong choice right now, no retreat no surrender..

come on dude, i can do it.. so do you~ you can make it.. haha, from just one little bag which fit my best cloth, i've come this far.. how can i leave it so easily? it hard for serious shit for me to came as far as this on my own.. now, i've my own bed.. which before i only borrow pillow from someone.. my own gifted drawer (thanx yus!!) and, owh.. my dvd player.. hahaha.. i dun ever can imagine i can go this far, like i said.. begining with one single bag to one whole big over limit luggage to bring back, should i? hahahha..

all said and done, but i've to think the consequences of my reaction.. does it important to be a perfect person with perfect people surround you or being alone just because you want to be yourself.. hmm, i wonder why i'm not a 'likeable' person, might be because i can't fit with the society or i just not-so-perfect person to be around with.. well, isn't FEELING is important to? i'm human also dude, i've feeling, i have a heart.. i'm not a heartless and mentionless person for everythings you've done.. might be i just keep in silent, ignored your action but when my limit reach it's point, you never can imagine what might happen..

to observe the mentionless things inside me is might not so hard, just be around me.. and soon or later you'll see the true colour of my self.. it's not cost you a thing to give it a try rite? the reason why i'm writing this is just because i'm kinda bored at this moment.. don't mention why it can be as far as this.. the idea is keep on coming.. but now, my mind empty already.. so, as simple as i began.. as simple is that i end.. til next time, peace out..

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