Monday, September 15, 2008

Colour Of My Life

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'Pass is pass, think about your future'

How far did you ever put your believe on that phrase? How far will you forget about your pass and just live for the future? For me, I didn't put any percent of my trust into that words or even to anything on it. For me, what ever happen in the passed will create the way I'm standing today and the way of my life today will colour my life in the future.

I've actually have been on this situation before. Remember my interview with SPA? The last minute informed interview that I didn't attend because I don't put my full courage to attend the interview. Same goes with today. I don't even want to try to at least try change my habit of saying 'it's not my time yet'. And, it cause me the most disappointed feeling all night long. I was really-really frustrated until I can't even think about my empty wallet and of cause, I ended up sitting on this cheap chair I can afford so that I can face my loaned laptop to write down on this blog.

Damn, why in the end I had this feeling? Why after the chance is gone I have to think about my silly mistake? Why in this world I ever feel disappointed with my self? Why do I ever said it is nothing to regret of? Why I'm taking this thing so easily and why I never have any afford to change my future?

Might be because of I'm on my confort zone. Maybe because I was thinking, 'It's OK, at least I have my current work, and my salary is enough to cover my expences'. That stupid thinking. When I'm going to change? When I'll be have some efford to improve my self? Even I've seen few people that before was my junior, that right now have become the second level in the office. My turn? As I always say, next time. Not my time yet. Was it? Or just I don't have any effort to improve my self?

I was really-really disappointed to hear about the salary. Not to include the benefit, but who care? All I want is money this day. I've want to have everything that I dream of. I just wondering, how in this world I ever put aside the oppurtunity just because of a single stupid mistake? Why I never get ready for the future? Why?

Note : I was schedule to have an interview with DiGi Telecomunication BUT I didn't attend the interview just because of I didn't have the hardcopy of my resume. Can you tell how stupid I was?

Friday, September 12, 2008

PD Trip

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Monday, September 01, 2008

A Fairytale Of Choki-Choki Chocolate Stick

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Some things you can feel it's coming. You just don't simply fall in love because you want to fall in love. You fall in love because of the need, desperate to fall in love. When you feel that need, you have to watch your step. It's like having drunk a philter, the kind that makes you fall in love with the first thing you meet. It could be a duck-billed platypus.

I wasn't realize the first time I had a feeling with this person, either it was a 'love at first sight' or 'I didn't realize you until you took my heart away'. But, my first purpose to know this person is just to be as a friend, a good friend might be. I've started to give that person a single stick of choki-choki day by day hoping at least to speak with him. But, the person only smile at me with a full shining on the eyes. I keep on asking that person to take a five minutes break with me and that person only nod and ignoring my invitation.

Day by day, I keep on giving the choki-choki chocolate stick to that person. I keep on missing the smile, the eyes and the person itself. I was keep on saying that I've to know that person. Day by day, that strange feeling grow and keep on growing. I tried to denied that strange feeling towards that person but as a human, what can I do right? From a far, I just keep on watching, waiting and keep on hoping that person will come to me. But, that person never come, never look at me, never speak to me and might be never realize me. So, I give up. I'm quite disappointed with that person. Then, I've got an offer to go to TM Telephony Management as a back up person for their daily operation. I accept the offer, and I leave the office for one month.

At TM, I live my life happily. I was completely forget about this person, trying to but still that person on my mind. I keep on asking myself, why I never ever ask at least that person phone number?

I started my shift on TM Telephony Department with a full hope that I can forget about loving a person that doesn't realize my existence. Day by day, my memory filled with something new. I went to work, having fun with my friends, I enjoy my life. I ended my day on my bed, and keep on crying about something that I wasn't supposed to. I love this person actually, but why did that person ignore me? I try to forget that person, but my heart keep on saying that I want that person.

The person has something special to know about. Something mysterious, that person didn't speak much around the office. It's hard to see his speaking with another person, hangout with another colleague, or even taking a break with another friend. I want to be somebody that could be beside that person in every single things. I would like to be that person care of, think of and love of. But, would that person love me even though that person never look at me?

I told everyone that the person is my most precious thing I ever have. If only that person could see and understand.

This was written 3 months ago. I never posted it. And the story has actually has got a new episode. It's all came back to me last night while I was reading my friend blog and as usual trying to put myself in the story. That stupid feeling. What happened after that was I was being brave asking that person phone number. And, the story continue with going out together, having lunch, watching movie and I'm now officially in love with that person. Hoping that the relationship will last forever as I put my hope fully on this person.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Sometimes, Things Better Left Unsaid ..

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I was in a friend house when I asked about something that I shouldn't ever ask. I was able to accept the story and the situation but I got the answer that hurt my heart. I managed to hide my actual feeling but deep inside my heart it hurt me so much. I actually have been warned by my friend if is it alright for me to know the story. I said yes. Then, my friend told me everything what happen during I'm not around from the beginning to the end..

For sure, yeah.. I rather choose not to know anything about it than feeling down all day long.

I was thinking, was it wrong to have the curiosity? Was it wrong to have some question in mind and you dare to know the answer and dare to accept how hurt is the answer? Before, I think I'm an open minded person. I can accept every single things that happened around me. I can smile, I can make fun of it and I even can ignore every things that happen even though it wasn't a very good things. Damn, it's bullshit. I was unable to accept the fact that I know that things already. I questioned my self, where is my strength? Where is my faith? Where is my quote of 'it's better to know, or not know about the things at all'.

I guess I'm wrong in this part of life. I believe that 'It's better (to know) now or never' and 'Every question is must have an answer'. I thought I am a person with full of strength that can accept every single things without tears on my eyes. I believe I can survive for just being brave and dare to accept for the things that I want to know.

But, why I'm hurt after I heard those stories? Why in the first place I want to know about that stupid story. I know it's a great big mistake but still my instinct about knowing about the story is high. I hate my self for not being brave to face the reality. I hate my self for being so heart broken and I hate my self for being so emotional.

What can I do now? Is it better not to take the risk? Or, would it better to play safe? Is it better to remained in silence than you speak to everyone about every single things?. Would it be better just to observe than play a role in the situation? Was it better to be a clown, have no heart feeling and just nod and say yes to everything that is your fate?

People said that, thing better left unsaid. Something is better left unknown. Some question is better left without answer. But, some part of the society said that it's better to share and it better to let is out. Don't keep in yourself. Which opinion should I follow?

But, I've got the conclution here is, what ever puzzled inside your head, just please don't make it as an issue. If you can forget, just forget about it and let it be yourself who know about the thing. Don't ever mention to someone or everyone, just keep it yourself. People might be said that sharing is caring, bullshit with that. It's only a reason for a society to undercover their interest to know someone personal things.

I've give up on this heart feeling. Just let it go because I've done my best. Next time, no more. It's enough.

Monday, August 18, 2008

FRIENDSHIP for dummies

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I send this message to a person that I recently knew in myspace

sihat je aku teno..
hahaha.. tipu2..

that person replied to me..

haaaa itu lah mata sperooooooo
memang lah tak nampak demam ke tak
sah sah masa aku jumpa kau tu nak tengah demam
sah sah kau dan en iwan tak balik umah aku memang tengah demam gilosssss
aiyakkk .. masa demam nak aku tel suruh kau tengok ker ????
wakakakakkaa kan sdah kena

and then I reply to a person,

masa demam pon sempat lg bukak myspace
mmg demam tipuu.. ckp je laa malas nak g keje :p
aku sgt memahaminyer..
sbb aku sgt suka buat 'demam palsu' semenjak kawen nih..
ekekekeke..

add laa aku ada masa nanti
myemailaddress@yahoo.com :p

and that person reply with this

aiyak bukak myspace pun salah ker ????
dah tu kalau demam nak kena tidor ajer memanjang
haaaaa kalau aku malas nak pi kerja baik aku takpatyah kerja terus .. vbuat apa nak ambik mc
dan lagi satu
yang kau kecoh ni kenapa ?
ikut suka aku lah
sibuk nak jaga tepi kain orang pulak tak tentu pasal .....
pi mampus lah
----------------------------------

I'm quite shocked to received this message. Few days before I received this message, my impression to him was he's a very nice person and a nice person to make fun with. But, soon after I received this message, my very nice impression with him was lost forever. It's totally change. Mom always remind me about friend. Knowing a friend is not just for one day or two to know a friend true colours. It's take time, might be 5 years, 10 or 20.. and some might even to 50 years. It's hard right? Once you've said that 'He's my bestfriend' or 'She know everything about me', but as soon as you've said that, did you realize that you've lost a friend?

What I was trying to say here is I love my friend. Do I? Yes, of cause I do. If it wasn't for the sake of friendship, why should I waste my time to accompany my friend to go here and there, to smile when I wasn't supposed to, to fake my identity and to be a person that I'm not supposed to be? It was a damn stupid thing but it was the most sweet thing I ever done to a person called friend.

I told everyone that my friend is the precious thing I ever had in this world, but do you dare to called me as your good friend, or I'm just someone that you passed by everyday without realizing my existance?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Satisfaction

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Lately, I've felt that I didn't satisfied with my work, the way I live my life, my current salary and the society around me. My love life? Haha. I keep on trying not to think about it because the result that I'll be in tears for the entire night. I keep on wondering why in the world that I met that special person to late? Haha, funny right? Would it be much different if I met that person earlier? Would that person want me to be part of that person life?

I actually looking for a new job right now. A job that can give me 'satisfaction'. I was attending an interview session in KLCC yesterday. Forget about to congratulate me as I, of cause, didn't get the job because I wasn't well prepared to answer the question good enough to satisfied the interviewer. They even can say directly that I'm not qualified for the job as they are looking for some experience person to work with them. Yeah, right! Why did in a first place they called me for that interview? I keep on thinking that they didn't have anything to do in the office or just want to have fun on their bored life. Why didn't they satisfied with my resume and my cover letter and wanting me to go to their 'great' office to humiliate me?

Answer for all of that, I don't have anything to show and satisfied them.

Every single month I didn't have enough money to spend. My expenses just goes boom much more bigger than I could afford. I couldn't save any single cent for this passed few month. I've worked for almost one year but I only have less than rm100 in my emergency saving account. I finished my money to pay my car installment, my house, my credit card and for this stupid reason, shopping. Every few days before that big 'pay day', I keep on promising to myself that I wouldn't spend much that I can afford on the next following month and keep on promising that I'll never ask my father to give me some money to survive until my pay day. But, the same thing keep on happening. As soon I get my salary, I forget my promises, spend on too much and the story keep on repeating every month.

Earlier this month I was spending happily in iSetan KLCC. I'm using my credit card when the cashier told me that the use of my credit card was rejected. I was shocked and the first thing passed on my mind is how much did I owed the bank. Did I spend too much? Ended up not paying the things, I went home in shocked.

My mistakes actually, when it was the time I supposed to study and get a better qualification, I was spending my time in the club and get drunk every night. I spent my money on that, paying for the one night happines that can give me nothing for my satisfaction today. I realized that it's nothing than a waste of time. I so much regret the way that I choose before. But, what can I do right? I didn't think much enough on that moment. Now, I can see the 'result' infront of my eyes. I can just only earned my second hand wira aeroback, working hard to get a less-than-enough salary and only can satisfied with all the cheapest things I can buy. Nothing that I can say that I bought that thing for thousand plus plus and to show off. Most importantly, nothing that I can proud of.

So, for those out there, who didn't satisfied with your life, try to change it. Not tomorow or later, but make your move now before it's too late. Don't just go with the simple solution you can think of such is suicide or taking drugs or might be looking for the cheapest entertainment you can get. Think first and choose for the best solution. For me, now I believe the important of study, the important of you getting that 'paper' for the better tomorow. Try to earn it. For sure, with the blessed of God, you can get a better tomorow.

Stay blessed. Peace out.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Going 90° North

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I was too bored today, with this 'normal' hour working time and the next things I know is I ended up in KLCC. Haha, what the hell I'm doing here on my two hours prayer time break? I was wondering around, looking for an interesting stuff at every single store before I ended up in Kinokuniya. I went to the English literature section, looking for some cool book to read on or might be some books I can buy. My eyes attracted to this subfusc coloured book, the plato word of the middle year, The Republic.

I took and read the synopsis of the book before I found it really nice and I almost ended up buying that book (by swiping my credit card, again.. yeah, I admit this is the middle of the month and I only have less than rm30 in my wallet..) but then I decided to not buy it at this moment but only buying it during my pay day time. The books is nice actually, there's no picture inside it (quite boring rite..) but actually it's full of lessons, quote and the freedom of one group to rule the holy land, to win the war, to protect and many more. I read this famous quote somewhere but then I know it's Plato's quote, 'only the dead have seen the end of war'.

Yeah, in this world we have to 'fight' to survive. 'Fight' doesn't mean you have to kick somebody directly or punch directly on that person eyes, but to survive in this complicated society. breathe in, breathe out.. fuuhhhh.. I still remember my first battle to survive. Confidently I decided to earned my own money after I disqualified from my study and live my life here in KL, away from my parents. Haha, but worst become worst. I tried to survive on my own before then my only option is to ask some help from my my mom and dad. Friend is there but somehow to ask help from them is not a good option. Until when you have to depend on them? For sure you have heard this quoute 'friend is there on your joy moment. but no on there when you in a middle of sorrow'. I realize that when becomes to the things 'you own this but I don't'. So, to use the thing that not mine is the big mistakes I've done. I quite sad actually when someone I tought to be my friend is actually only the person that beside me during my happy moment.

So, with full of tears (Yes, I admit I cry). I call my mom and dad to confort me. I wish I can hug them and cry on, which they always do when I fail to achieved the things that I most wanted to. My dad said this precious words to me; 'when you tought that person is a friend, dare to accept that one day they will betrayed you' and mom said 'it is not by today or tomorrow when you can see that person true colours. It might takes 10 or 20 years to understood the heart of a friend'. I guess they are right. I decided to earned my things on my own. I decided to recover. Now, with my crazy job (which I love the most..), I've my own car, my own PC, my own PDA (which always be with me everywhere..) and I proud of it because I earned it on my own. Which is mean I survive the first battle. Now, to the second battle, which I think I never can win, is to find the rite person to love.

I always been hurt by the person I love. Always been love by the person I don't love. The sad thing here is through I try to choose the person who love me, still my heart belongs to the person who hurt me. My friend said that I've a look, sounds funny but the funniest thing is why the person that I want, that I wish to be with, never want to take a single sight to look at me? Might be because I don't have the sense to be love but at least, people out there, I still have a heart. Please, just love me and know how much I love you. Understood me, be with me. That's all I need. Don't hurt me and leave me alone to cry on my own in this middle empty room. I guess it's better to retreat and surrender to the second battle. I keep on saying that I'm happy. I keep on saying that person love me. But, until when to denied that I'm a love failure?

To that person I'm in love with, I think you know who you are. Even though I don't know what is your name or even your age, you're still the one who have change the way I look this world. I know compared to you, I don't dare to say I'm greater that you. I'm sorry because I have this strange feelings towards you. Damn! I love you so much.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

You’ll never walk alone ...

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Believe it? Or might be you have one good reason to denied it..

Actually, I've a good reason to believe it. It's actually Liverpool's theme, my favourite football club. You'll never walk alone. One reason to believe is because on the battle, you'll be with your friend, your team mate, not on your own, gaining everybody strength, to kick and bring the ball to the point (I mean goal post) and gaining victory. Haha. The joy and the fun together must be the sweetest memory to remember on.

But, sometime my heart showed that I'm denying it. Might be this is the middle age symptom, you'll felt that like you're alone with no body take care of you (or might be I keep on denying that I'm all alone. Haha) and you're left all alone at the end of the room, crying and feeling down only by yourself, like I always do. Totally, I don't think that anyone is care about am I having enough food to survive, money to buy this and that.. or what so ever, right?

Everyday I wish that I've at least one good friend. Just a friend to talk, to understand and to be with me when I'm in a hard situation. Might be you never can understand the feeling of being alone, without mom and dad to be on your side. I miss my mom and dad. To be with them at this moment is my ever wish. Yeah, I've to accept that my life is pathetic. I'm still my mom and dad little boy whom still depending on them, still wanna their care and love. I wish that I never made this choice to work and be apart from them. But, past is past, yesterday is yesterday. What ever happen yesterday is a process of learning to be matured this day and for a better tomorrow.

Mom and dad, I miss you so much.

P/s: I'm actually homesick.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Work and friend, which will win?

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I went to the office today with not much different as always. Just, today I use another taxi service (my favourite taxi is public cab but the didn't manage to assign a taxi). I reached the office as expected and I managed to preparing myself for today work soon before my shift started.

I was arranging my shift time and off day using Haq schedule (I know his password, hehe) when suddenly when I finished and refreshed the page, my schedule on week 5th May until 11th May suddenly change to off. Blank to the situation, I decided to refreshed again the page before whole of my schedule change to off. I remained silence to think what is the cause of the things before I then realize my schedule erased because I was selected for the FMCC project.

I was happy by then. Working at TM tower was my only dream. But, when I think about my colleague, Moni.. Leez, Saiful.. Fadhil.. then I realize that the fun will not joining me to the tower. We used to hangout every night and every month, laughing and make fun of each other. But, somehow I'm gonna missed that moment.

It's funny right. Some of our decision will hurt but it's actually for our own sake, to be success in the future.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

When Everythings Goes Wrong

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Ever wondered when you think all things in your life was just in a perfect planing but suddenly, without you realizing it and when you've planned all things perfectly, every single things that you've plan PERFECTLY just went wrong. And imagine if the things last for almost two day. Try to imagine, from 1-10, where's my stress level?

It's all started when I got the offer to work for HP. I then decided to go (if you're reading my previous blog, I decided not to attend the interview) and I kept on imagining my future salary which about reached rm3k. I smile on my bed, imagining to buy this car, to buy that furniture, to buy this stuff almost all night long. And as a result, I woke up at 11am and miss the appointment which was schedule about 10am. Silly me. my friend keep calling but I ignoring the call. Then, I decided to not to accept the offer and just go for the government interview, or just stick with the offer of working with TM.

Yus wake me up and ask me to go with him to look for the cheapest scientific thingy (they called it calculator) and I decided to take a passport size shot. We walk inside Giant kelana jaya, from one end to another end, from the first level until the uppermost level. But couldn't find the exact shop that have the shot services. Meanwhile, I kept on checking my pay (which was schedule one day earlier..) but, all I on my account balance is only rm7.69. I almost memorize the ammount as that moment I keep on checking and waiting when will my pay credited in my account.

We then decided to go to somewhere near the KFC shoplot in Kelana Jaya. I, again checking my account balance but the ammount showed on the screen is still the same. I've been thinking of taking the future from Mr Visa (Ninut named it) but seems the loan I took last month still I didn't clear it. We go to Ayamas Shop and I stand looking the delicious food but I only can imagine I'm eating it. Yeah, in my wallet I only got rm5 after deducted from rm15 that I've to pay for the shot. Hmm, thank God that the shot was nice, even thought I didn't really expect it will be good as that.

I check again my account balance, still the same.

Berd called by then, asking to accompany him to look for 'Jalan Rahim Kajai' at old Rasta area. We decided to go and before that, I met Leen and Sasha at Tiara Kelana Condo Restaurant (Is it?). I decided to skip my lunch as I don't have much money left to eat. Beside, I keep on imagining that my pay will be today, at least at 9pm.

After Jalan Abdul Rahim, we directed to Phileo to get something before ended up in IKEA. I'm dreaming of buying this thing and that. Decorating my room with this stuff and designing with that stuff. I check my account again, and damn! The balance still the same. Then I go to my home to pick some stuff and then go to Shah Alam for some non-related stuff.

After Shah Alam, went to berd house before going to Puchong and ended up in Kelana Jaya. I duplicated my certificate as a preparation for tomorrow interview as the person throwing my IC inside the trash. I almost scream to the stupid guy but he managed to cool me down. I then realize that I forgot to print my resume. From KJ to Crimson, looking for CC that have printing services to print out my resume. Luckily, many CC still open, but they don't have the printing services. I and Yus walked around KJ area and we ended up in Crimson but ended up getting nothing as a result. We decided to went home and when about to reached Yus house, there's a dog suddenly running directly to us and we've attacted by that stupid dog. I never can imagine how stupid of the dog owner that left his gate open so that his stupid dog keep on runing an chasing every single person that passed by his house.

Finally, we reached home and I continue preparing myself for the interview while waiting for the taxi to pick me up before I realize that my neck-tie was missing. I looked inside my pack but I think I left it at home. Then, I started to felt like I don't wanna go to the interview because that stupid taxi didn't showed up. I called the taxi services at 6.00am and that lady promise to assign the taxi as soon as possible. I waited for almost 2 hours before she called and as if I still need the taxi. I've called another taxi services but seems no taxi want to bring me to Putrajaya. Where's that taxi driver that want extra money for long distance pay? I really sad actually, because I've ask mom to loan me some money to go for the interview, but I didn't go. I know my dad hoping I get the job but what can I do. I just can't go there.

I ended my day, with almost 24 hours non-sleep time with a full of happiness. I kept on smiling the day I faced, but I felt so sorry to my mommy and dad because I didn't show up for the interview.

Well, just wish me luck for my career in TM.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

New Life, New Chance.. New Beginning...

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Well, today actually is just the same like the previous day. But, while I reached the office, I've been offered from my friend a work at HP call centre as their customer services for US customer with the basic salary RM2200, including the allowances my monthly salary might reached rm2600 or rm2700. I'll have to pay my income tax for an income that much! Haha.. And, I'll start my work at their centre on 3rd of May, which is less than a week from now. I'm a little bit confuse, and that person, Mr Mani ask me to come for an interview (then I found out that he's just the agent for HP customer service) tomorow at 2.oo pm. I excited already, and I've said to myself that I'll go for an interview, do my best and get the job, get the salary, speak american english.. what-so-ever, I must get that job..

Then, I went to the office, preparing my workplace as usual before my team leader came and offered me to work at TM Tower. For a moment, I tought that he's speaking with another person but since I'm the only one at that place, I'm quite shock. Yeah, as my few month back performace is not quite good, which one of the reason I didn't go for second level, how come this good offer he offered me to go. Why not to other of my colleague that perfoming well every month? I started to think that he don't want to see me at the office then kick me out to TM and vanished me from his sight. He then explained that I'll be one from the first batch to handle the services for the merger of TM telephony and data services and internet services, which me the merging of VADS ltd to Telecom itself. Easy to say, no more VADS. I'll be working under the TM. Sort of I think. I've been dreaming of working at the tower since my first visit during the iCare training. Then, I've got the chance. Will I take it? Yes, I'll go for sure. Forget the HP and go for TM.

The next day, on 30th April 2008, I've got an interview with the government. Great deal also but I didn't put my full faith on it. I don't know why, until now I didn't even prepare for it. Same with the HP offer, I want to go, I want the salary, based on my experience I know I can go and lied a little bit, speak with my confidence, get the job then work at HP. But I'm stuck with my own dream and mostly with my sweet friends at VADS. I've spoke with my mom and dad, they said it's my choice. I've got the chance and it's me to decide, not them anymore. What's the best for me, they will go with it. Still, I'm confuse.

Then, my day started with most of the time I speak to every person that passed by on my desk, asking when is their off day. Which then I get from tomorow until Wednesday. Yeah, there's a chance for me to take a picture and paste on my resume. Hehe. On break time, I didn't eat much because I've been thinking of the HP offer and the TM offer. Both of the offer is great, but I don't know which one to choose of. Either VADS of HP, both of it offered a good salary (VADS offered less actually, but I don't mind. Haha) I've been thinking actually. Was it OK for me to stick with my daily routine or start a new one. Working at HP started on 3am or work like usual (my sheet at VADS started 4.30pm until 2.00am on my work day) or at the tower i'll start at 8.00am. Forget about working with the government, I'll go the interview for sure. Working with the government is my long term goal. But, how about this short term goal? Should I accept the HP offer or just go for the TM? It's tomorow to decide.

Owh, this day, two of my good friend, Haq and Ahmad Safuan not working with TM anymore. All the best my friend.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

This side of the rainbow..

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chill!! hell yeah it's been a while since i post something here. Nothing much really happened this few days (month actually..) but, some interesting stuff happen.. Which is, i'm not attached to someone.. or that one or this one.. Haha, at the first moment, it's kinda hurt me so much. But, day by day.. little by little, i've learned to let the things go.. and happily ever after.. -wink-

speaking of leaving, actually.. this is not the first time. Did i ever mention to you i always been dump by others? Nah! that's a lied actually, i never been dump but i always dump.. :P It's actually not a very good things to do, but, when the person still could read and understand your words, why still you wait to hurt dat person? it's better you dump that person as soon as possibe.. i repeat, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!! haha

That person always ask, what is the point of i'm choosing my friends not spending my time with somebody i love. Correction here, i love my friends more that i love my lover. How's that? Even though you are my couple, it's doesn't mean we'll last forever. Oh gosh, i always been thinking, why on earth i ever want to love you!! Silly mistakes..

I love my friend because they understand what i need, who am i, what i'll be.. and yeah, it's not the same when its come to the loving relationship. In a relationship, the stuff that you always do with your friends might ruin the relationship itself. Why should i? For example, i owed this person (one of my lover) some money, and when i decided to leave that person, that person want his money as soon as possible. Before that, that person will never ask about the money. Why? Because of love i guess. Haha.. Dun worry laa, i how much i owe you, will pay it later.

That's shows that person true colours..



and, friends stay forever..

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Yovie & Nuno - Menjaga Hati

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Masih tertinggal bayangan mu
Yang telah membekas di relung hati ku
Hujan tanpa henti seolah bertanda
Cinta tak di sini lagi kau telah berpaling

Biarkan aku menjaga perasaan ini oooo
Menjaga segenap cinta yang telah kau beri
Engkau pergi aku takkan pergi
Kau menjauh aku takkan jauh
Sebenarnya diri ku masih mengharapkan mu

Masih adakah cahaya rindu mu
Yang dulu selalu cermin kan hati mu
Aku tak kan bisa menghapus diri mu
Meski ku lihat kini kau di seberang sana

Andai akhirnya kau tak juga kembali
Aku tetap sendiri menjaga hati

Sejujurnya diri ku masih mengharapkan mu.....



wo0o.. i like this song so much!~ heard it inside the taxi from home to the office, kinda remember my memories with that special person :p anyway, enjoy!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

An Invitation

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I received this invitation 15 minutes after midnight, i'm quite shock because with this person i only talk to him when i need some opinion with some unfamiliar problem, need some help or asking for a five minutes break. He said don't forget to come, and bring all of your friend also. I nod as a sign of yes, and i watch him goes back to his place. Then, i opened the envelope and i read the content, the card seems to be a simple card but must be meaning full to the person who own it. Yeah, it's their day to celebrate. I tried to ignore it but somehow this invitation card makes me think all night long. Many question surrounded my brick-hard brain, but the most question i can't never forget 'when my turn will be'? or 'will i ever get married?' Haha..
I always talk with leez my dream wedding plan. Leez seems to be interested to hear, i said to her i want my marriage to be held in my home in Sabah while her dream marriage was the garden wedding. I close my eyes to imagine her wedding, she's must be very sweet in her wedding gown while me, i'm looking for the girl in my life.
Haha.. when will it be? or, will it be?
To Fareez and Marfuzah, hope your marriage will last forever, stay blessed!!

Monday, February 11, 2008

FUN@OFFICE

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Syikin, Afiq & Me


Me, Saiful, Dzul & Leez

Saiful, Leez, Ain & Afiq

Saiful, Me & Leez


Leez, Syikin & Me
Well, today~ all of us working together and.. haha, the fun begin! Hope our friendship will last forever dude!~ ur rock!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Starbucks Pic

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Kinda missed the moment i stayed in starbucks..

Saturday, February 09, 2008

day off

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have you ever think to get away from your daily routine, your problems.. your bored life and having fun on your own? doing the most fun ever things you want to do before your busy-with-working, or out from problem situation? well, i've been imagining to do this thing ever.. and suddenly, like nothing.. the chance come and, i'm here!! hehe..

it's been a while actually, before this i always sit for few hours in starbuck.. with my laptop as my true friends.. having my java chip afogato style (can you believe that?) and looking everybody around while i'm thinking i'm in love with the person that i like to see, haha.. funny isn't it? after i started working, i think i only have went to starbucks for 3 times, or maybe less.. i don't have the time to get out and spend my quality time alone, even this is the thing i like the most..

taken some pic.. but will upload it later.. don't have cable here to connect my pda to this laptop..

Friday, February 08, 2008

gong xi fa 'CHOI'??

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I'm working today, on the first day of chinese new year. It's normal for me to work on a public holiday. Haha, i love working besides i don't have anything else to do. I woke up at 4pm (can u ever imagine how late i'm going to be..), thanx to saiful for give me a wake up call.. hehe..

I arrived at office few minutes before 5. My shift supposed started on 4.30pm, hehe.. Thanx God jeeva still on leave for his never-invite-me wedding day. I wonder who ever the lady that married with jeeva. Jeeva did told me about his marriage few month ago and i think that was around the corner. Jeeva is a nice guy actually, he guided me to the exellences but i'm the one who didn't follow his guidelines. Who's wrong in this part? haha..

I've taken few pics..

This is me in Azmali's Helmet..


Me & Abe, his father is kelantanese while his mother is sabahan, he can't speak sabah slang.. huhu


Me & Zainul a.k.a Pak Nun, he's just a nice friends with a *&^% mouth.. hehe



saiful and pak nun.. photogenic huh?
Well, just hoping that our friendship will last forever.. hahaha, will continue taking picture with others few days on.. they are on leave today..

till then, peace out

Thursday, February 07, 2008

DAD & MOM

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Me & Dad, yeah!!~ the coolest dad on earth..


And, this is mum.. wearing her rm500++ spectacles (gosh!!~)

This picture taken a moment before i entered the departure hall, going back from KK to KL.. i missed my mom and dad alot.. huhu..

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

EYES ON ...

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well, this is me and my colleague, leez.. with the background of 'Eyes On Malaysia'..

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

OFFICE DAY

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Me and my office mate during our lunch time, and after 'Living The Brand' training..

Friday, January 11, 2008

Thoughts To The Blinded

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These days, it's all about passion.

It's about drive, and inspiration, and I maybe even hope.
But most of all it's about the new and the unsure and the going beyond my "safety zone". The letting go of the past but surely not its forgetting. Because there are always always lessons to be learned (and as much as possible never repeated).

***

Sitting and talking on that bench that sunny afternoon, I realised, it's all over. Just like that. Thank you. No more. It's one of those moments you imagined to more dramatic and more black and white like. I'm done done done with drama. It's so liberating.

***

And speaking of hope, I'm looking forward to going home in a few days. I really miss my room, my bed.. And yes, my parents and brother. Gosh, I'm excited!

***

I realised that there are just some things you just cannot change. Like that everyday shuttling from home to work or the flickering of the computer screen or the food you eat at the cafeteria. But there ARE (after all) things that make the day something. For me, it's meeting up with old friends (Leez, Am & Moni) or hanging out at the neighbourhood coffeeshop, or simply reading a good book. I have only recently discovered that passion does start with a spark and eventually illuminates life. I have also only so recently found passion in the mundane yet extraordinary. And I thank God so much for those moments. I am beginning to find something to smile about, to laugh about, to look forward to. It's like doing things for the first time.

Think about this:

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

***

We've become so jaded (as Aerosmith's song goes) that we forget the giddiness and the natural high that comes with doing something we love. I know A LOT of people share my sentiments. That routine is simply crazy. I hear you. Find something, anything that makes you feel brand new ( was that lame or was that lame?hehehe).But that's so true no matter how boyband-ish it may sound!

***

And for those who forget how it is to have teeny-weeny spark in you, get in touch with an old friend, read your old diary, or listen to your favourite song. And maybe then you'll remember how it felt like (and perhaps do something about it?)

Good luck!

***

Don't be blinded.

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