Thursday, August 21, 2008

Sometimes, Things Better Left Unsaid ..

I was in a friend house when I asked about something that I shouldn't ever ask. I was able to accept the story and the situation but I got the answer that hurt my heart. I managed to hide my actual feeling but deep inside my heart it hurt me so much. I actually have been warned by my friend if is it alright for me to know the story. I said yes. Then, my friend told me everything what happen during I'm not around from the beginning to the end..

For sure, yeah.. I rather choose not to know anything about it than feeling down all day long.

I was thinking, was it wrong to have the curiosity? Was it wrong to have some question in mind and you dare to know the answer and dare to accept how hurt is the answer? Before, I think I'm an open minded person. I can accept every single things that happened around me. I can smile, I can make fun of it and I even can ignore every things that happen even though it wasn't a very good things. Damn, it's bullshit. I was unable to accept the fact that I know that things already. I questioned my self, where is my strength? Where is my faith? Where is my quote of 'it's better to know, or not know about the things at all'.

I guess I'm wrong in this part of life. I believe that 'It's better (to know) now or never' and 'Every question is must have an answer'. I thought I am a person with full of strength that can accept every single things without tears on my eyes. I believe I can survive for just being brave and dare to accept for the things that I want to know.

But, why I'm hurt after I heard those stories? Why in the first place I want to know about that stupid story. I know it's a great big mistake but still my instinct about knowing about the story is high. I hate my self for not being brave to face the reality. I hate my self for being so heart broken and I hate my self for being so emotional.

What can I do now? Is it better not to take the risk? Or, would it better to play safe? Is it better to remained in silence than you speak to everyone about every single things?. Would it be better just to observe than play a role in the situation? Was it better to be a clown, have no heart feeling and just nod and say yes to everything that is your fate?

People said that, thing better left unsaid. Something is better left unknown. Some question is better left without answer. But, some part of the society said that it's better to share and it better to let is out. Don't keep in yourself. Which opinion should I follow?

But, I've got the conclution here is, what ever puzzled inside your head, just please don't make it as an issue. If you can forget, just forget about it and let it be yourself who know about the thing. Don't ever mention to someone or everyone, just keep it yourself. People might be said that sharing is caring, bullshit with that. It's only a reason for a society to undercover their interest to know someone personal things.

I've give up on this heart feeling. Just let it go because I've done my best. Next time, no more. It's enough.

Monday, August 18, 2008

FRIENDSHIP for dummies

I send this message to a person that I recently knew in myspace

sihat je aku teno..
hahaha.. tipu2..

that person replied to me..

haaaa itu lah mata sperooooooo
memang lah tak nampak demam ke tak
sah sah masa aku jumpa kau tu nak tengah demam
sah sah kau dan en iwan tak balik umah aku memang tengah demam gilosssss
aiyakkk .. masa demam nak aku tel suruh kau tengok ker ????
wakakakakkaa kan sdah kena

and then I reply to a person,

masa demam pon sempat lg bukak myspace
mmg demam tipuu.. ckp je laa malas nak g keje :p
aku sgt memahaminyer..
sbb aku sgt suka buat 'demam palsu' semenjak kawen nih..

add laa aku ada masa nanti :p

and that person reply with this

aiyak bukak myspace pun salah ker ????
dah tu kalau demam nak kena tidor ajer memanjang
haaaaa kalau aku malas nak pi kerja baik aku takpatyah kerja terus .. vbuat apa nak ambik mc
dan lagi satu
yang kau kecoh ni kenapa ?
ikut suka aku lah
sibuk nak jaga tepi kain orang pulak tak tentu pasal .....
pi mampus lah

I'm quite shocked to received this message. Few days before I received this message, my impression to him was he's a very nice person and a nice person to make fun with. But, soon after I received this message, my very nice impression with him was lost forever. It's totally change. Mom always remind me about friend. Knowing a friend is not just for one day or two to know a friend true colours. It's take time, might be 5 years, 10 or 20.. and some might even to 50 years. It's hard right? Once you've said that 'He's my bestfriend' or 'She know everything about me', but as soon as you've said that, did you realize that you've lost a friend?

What I was trying to say here is I love my friend. Do I? Yes, of cause I do. If it wasn't for the sake of friendship, why should I waste my time to accompany my friend to go here and there, to smile when I wasn't supposed to, to fake my identity and to be a person that I'm not supposed to be? It was a damn stupid thing but it was the most sweet thing I ever done to a person called friend.

I told everyone that my friend is the precious thing I ever had in this world, but do you dare to called me as your good friend, or I'm just someone that you passed by everyday without realizing my existance?

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