Thursday, August 21, 2008

Sometimes, Things Better Left Unsaid ..

I was in a friend house when I asked about something that I shouldn't ever ask. I was able to accept the story and the situation but I got the answer that hurt my heart. I managed to hide my actual feeling but deep inside my heart it hurt me so much. I actually have been warned by my friend if is it alright for me to know the story. I said yes. Then, my friend told me everything what happen during I'm not around from the beginning to the end..

For sure, yeah.. I rather choose not to know anything about it than feeling down all day long.

I was thinking, was it wrong to have the curiosity? Was it wrong to have some question in mind and you dare to know the answer and dare to accept how hurt is the answer? Before, I think I'm an open minded person. I can accept every single things that happened around me. I can smile, I can make fun of it and I even can ignore every things that happen even though it wasn't a very good things. Damn, it's bullshit. I was unable to accept the fact that I know that things already. I questioned my self, where is my strength? Where is my faith? Where is my quote of 'it's better to know, or not know about the things at all'.

I guess I'm wrong in this part of life. I believe that 'It's better (to know) now or never' and 'Every question is must have an answer'. I thought I am a person with full of strength that can accept every single things without tears on my eyes. I believe I can survive for just being brave and dare to accept for the things that I want to know.

But, why I'm hurt after I heard those stories? Why in the first place I want to know about that stupid story. I know it's a great big mistake but still my instinct about knowing about the story is high. I hate my self for not being brave to face the reality. I hate my self for being so heart broken and I hate my self for being so emotional.

What can I do now? Is it better not to take the risk? Or, would it better to play safe? Is it better to remained in silence than you speak to everyone about every single things?. Would it be better just to observe than play a role in the situation? Was it better to be a clown, have no heart feeling and just nod and say yes to everything that is your fate?

People said that, thing better left unsaid. Something is better left unknown. Some question is better left without answer. But, some part of the society said that it's better to share and it better to let is out. Don't keep in yourself. Which opinion should I follow?

But, I've got the conclution here is, what ever puzzled inside your head, just please don't make it as an issue. If you can forget, just forget about it and let it be yourself who know about the thing. Don't ever mention to someone or everyone, just keep it yourself. People might be said that sharing is caring, bullshit with that. It's only a reason for a society to undercover their interest to know someone personal things.

I've give up on this heart feeling. Just let it go because I've done my best. Next time, no more. It's enough.

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