Monday, September 15, 2008

Colour Of My Life

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'Pass is pass, think about your future'

How far did you ever put your believe on that phrase? How far will you forget about your pass and just live for the future? For me, I didn't put any percent of my trust into that words or even to anything on it. For me, what ever happen in the passed will create the way I'm standing today and the way of my life today will colour my life in the future.

I've actually have been on this situation before. Remember my interview with SPA? The last minute informed interview that I didn't attend because I don't put my full courage to attend the interview. Same goes with today. I don't even want to try to at least try change my habit of saying 'it's not my time yet'. And, it cause me the most disappointed feeling all night long. I was really-really frustrated until I can't even think about my empty wallet and of cause, I ended up sitting on this cheap chair I can afford so that I can face my loaned laptop to write down on this blog.

Damn, why in the end I had this feeling? Why after the chance is gone I have to think about my silly mistake? Why in this world I ever feel disappointed with my self? Why do I ever said it is nothing to regret of? Why I'm taking this thing so easily and why I never have any afford to change my future?

Might be because of I'm on my confort zone. Maybe because I was thinking, 'It's OK, at least I have my current work, and my salary is enough to cover my expences'. That stupid thinking. When I'm going to change? When I'll be have some efford to improve my self? Even I've seen few people that before was my junior, that right now have become the second level in the office. My turn? As I always say, next time. Not my time yet. Was it? Or just I don't have any effort to improve my self?

I was really-really disappointed to hear about the salary. Not to include the benefit, but who care? All I want is money this day. I've want to have everything that I dream of. I just wondering, how in this world I ever put aside the oppurtunity just because of a single stupid mistake? Why I never get ready for the future? Why?

Note : I was schedule to have an interview with DiGi Telecomunication BUT I didn't attend the interview just because of I didn't have the hardcopy of my resume. Can you tell how stupid I was?

Friday, September 12, 2008

PD Trip

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Monday, September 01, 2008

A Fairytale Of Choki-Choki Chocolate Stick

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Some things you can feel it's coming. You just don't simply fall in love because you want to fall in love. You fall in love because of the need, desperate to fall in love. When you feel that need, you have to watch your step. It's like having drunk a philter, the kind that makes you fall in love with the first thing you meet. It could be a duck-billed platypus.

I wasn't realize the first time I had a feeling with this person, either it was a 'love at first sight' or 'I didn't realize you until you took my heart away'. But, my first purpose to know this person is just to be as a friend, a good friend might be. I've started to give that person a single stick of choki-choki day by day hoping at least to speak with him. But, the person only smile at me with a full shining on the eyes. I keep on asking that person to take a five minutes break with me and that person only nod and ignoring my invitation.

Day by day, I keep on giving the choki-choki chocolate stick to that person. I keep on missing the smile, the eyes and the person itself. I was keep on saying that I've to know that person. Day by day, that strange feeling grow and keep on growing. I tried to denied that strange feeling towards that person but as a human, what can I do right? From a far, I just keep on watching, waiting and keep on hoping that person will come to me. But, that person never come, never look at me, never speak to me and might be never realize me. So, I give up. I'm quite disappointed with that person. Then, I've got an offer to go to TM Telephony Management as a back up person for their daily operation. I accept the offer, and I leave the office for one month.

At TM, I live my life happily. I was completely forget about this person, trying to but still that person on my mind. I keep on asking myself, why I never ever ask at least that person phone number?

I started my shift on TM Telephony Department with a full hope that I can forget about loving a person that doesn't realize my existence. Day by day, my memory filled with something new. I went to work, having fun with my friends, I enjoy my life. I ended my day on my bed, and keep on crying about something that I wasn't supposed to. I love this person actually, but why did that person ignore me? I try to forget that person, but my heart keep on saying that I want that person.

The person has something special to know about. Something mysterious, that person didn't speak much around the office. It's hard to see his speaking with another person, hangout with another colleague, or even taking a break with another friend. I want to be somebody that could be beside that person in every single things. I would like to be that person care of, think of and love of. But, would that person love me even though that person never look at me?

I told everyone that the person is my most precious thing I ever have. If only that person could see and understand.

This was written 3 months ago. I never posted it. And the story has actually has got a new episode. It's all came back to me last night while I was reading my friend blog and as usual trying to put myself in the story. That stupid feeling. What happened after that was I was being brave asking that person phone number. And, the story continue with going out together, having lunch, watching movie and I'm now officially in love with that person. Hoping that the relationship will last forever as I put my hope fully on this person.

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