I don’t really know what happened to me this passed few days. Was it because of some unexpected things going on, or it is just me that being to emotional. I wasn’t happy about it, because it just not affecting me but also others. I’m sorry guys. It’s just I wasn’t really-really happy for the ‘THING’ that going on.
Somehow, I’m feeling that I want to run away and being childish once again. Being someone who really fear to face the destiny. Blaming others for what ever cause that happen and forget about it as the mistakes was not raised by me. Was it my mistakes for every things that happened? Was it wrong for every single decisions that I’ve choose? What if this things never happened? What if I never be so strong to face this destiny?
To be fair, I actually regretting for every decision that I’ve make. Learned from mistakes. Yeah, but did I? I’m really-really confuse but still I’m being normal these day. Laughing and making fun with everybody but deep in my heart, I am crying. I don’t know why did I cry. For this destiny? No. For what ever happened? No. I just wish for everything to be just nice, following the path that I really-really want. But will everyone happy for every single happy thing that I achieve?
Somehow, things happened already. It’s really-really hurt.
What did went wrong?
I really-really wished that I can ran away. And leave all the problem behind. I must admit that I am really-really scared to face tomorrow. I’m scared. I’m so scared.
To face or not to face, to be brave or just ran away?
I don't know which part of the story I should begin. But, nevermind. As long as I can reach the root of the story would be fine. But, basically, what will I write now? Might be it just because of my boring lifestyle, or its just me that don't know how to enjoy.
Normal people know what should they do this hours, but me, other that browsing through my facebook and sometimes blogging, I don't have any single things to do. Can you 'IMAGINE' that? Life that I've claimed so glamorous and extraordinary but actually ended up in my little room and in front of my little lappy. I actually imagining that I can go back to my night life, hanky panky thingy, minum-minum at mamak..
I realized then that I don't have a life other than facebooking and blogging. I need to change before it's too late and people will claimed that I am a nerdy. I suddenly remember when I'm pointing to others that they don't have the 'INTERESTING' life but then I am the one who doesn't. Gosh, this have to stop! I need a changes! I need a welcome back party to the world that I've used to.
I accidentally browsed picture folder on my phone when I found out that I've a lot of 'unrevealed' picture. Would like to share with you the picture that I've take. Do remember the advise; picture was taken by my Sony Ericsson K660i only.
Actually and to be honest, I'm not feeling like want to post this picture for the society to know. But,since I feel that it's useless to keep it in my personal folder, it's better for me to share it to everyone aite? Just enjoy the picture, and do share with me your personal opinion.
I was working today from 9.15am until 5.15pm. It's kinda funny because I managed not to fall asleep while entertaining the rediculous request from the precious customer. I was thinking, I'm on fasting and for sure I didn't take any food today, I feel so energetic even though it already about 24 hours I'm not sleeping.
Yeah, this homesick thingy will only come once in a while, just during the long term break and not very normal. It feels very strange to have this feeling, but how can I denied it? I've been borned and was living there, being around them. It's just a need, that I can't. I just can't.
Meanwhile, this is the picture when I'm looking for a parking at Sri Permaisuri Ramadhan Bazar
I'm a little bit cursing while I'm trying to go to the 1st day of Ramadhan Bazaar. Somehow, I forgot that I'm fasting and the things that I've done will decrease my 'rewards' for today. But, can you just imagine of how to be in the centre of society which every single of the having one point to go. What are they are thinking?
Being sick of that situation, I decided to park my car somewhere quite far. Which will makes me walk for about 10 minutes.
I want to go around the bazaar but soon to find out that the crowded was not like I expect. I managed to find the first shop that selling the sugarcane juice and fried mee. Spending as less that I can, I went back home. Leaving behind the life that are newly created soon after the Ramadhan month started.
I'm looking forward to breaking fast with my friends.
I've to agree with my friend, Shah for this feelings on the early days of Ramadhan. Might be because I'm all alone here and not beside my family on the first day of this fasting month. How sad to hear my colleague celebrating it with their parents and family, while I'm just celebrating is with my little laptop.
Should I mention fasting as 'celebrating'?
This time is the third years I fasting here in KL. Should be I used to be with this feelings. Or am I homesick actually?
For the past few days was a tough days for me. Wish that today and the day forward will be more easier and I can have back my strength to get through this sadness of homesick feeling.
Have you ever wish that you could go back to your sweet childhood moment? The time when you're still depending on the adult and don't even mind for what ever happened around you. You don't care about working in the middle of the night just for a bread for your breakfast in the morning. All you ever care is to see the food and smile for the toys when you wake up. Was that fantastic?
If you're asking me, then I'll say YES! I missed my childhood moment. I always wish that I can go back in that time.
For as far that I can remember, my childhood was very different with others. I spend my time looking at the sea and the most I can remember, my pet is a Horseshoe crab and a stray cat called 'O'. Isn't that funny? I've been in the situation when my house roof flew in the middle of the night because of the storm. Almost drown because I don't know how to swim. My childhood friend, thanks to facebook, Rinah (Nasrinah Jabirin) and Boy (Rizan Mujip), and being with them was so the sweetest moment to remember.
Just want to share, I used to live near by the sea. The most strange part is I don't even know of how to swim. That's why if some of you realized that I'm not into the seaside activity so much but I'm most excited to the river or outside of the town.
I was born and spending my childhood in the city, known as Kota Kinabalu town at that moment. But, I lived in the most worst neighbourhood and black area in the city. I've learned from that not to be friended with this kind of person and that type of people. Was is discrimination?
Still, that chapter of my life was the time that I miss the most.
note : picture was taken by my Nokia 6101 phone on the year of 2005 with the Kinabalu Mount as the background
This picture was taken on my way back from Manila, about three years ago. Damn! I missed my memories in Manila. I still remember how scared I am on the arrival, checking the passport and the luggage, and being alone in The Philippines. With no one to fetch me at the airport, I went to the Metro Manila by my self and being welcome in their language.
Yeah yeah, my mom is Irranun, some sort of The Philippines tribe.
Mentioning about this travelling, I've been thinking of going back home and some places nearby. My friend, Saniz said the he and me will organize my (ex)team bonding in Fraser Hills. Excitement is there, but somehow I'm looking forward travelling to other country. Haha. Meaning, by flight. No worry Saniz, I'm still looking forward for our budget trip but with luxurious food and drinks. Wink wink.
Anyhow, I'm planning to go back to my hometown, next year in January but according to Leen, she'll be in Jakarta on middle of January. And, in the end of February, I'm planning to go to Bali, then Irwan said that the wave is big and high. I was speechless. Should I care about it? Should I listen with their opinion?
Hehe. We'll see about that. I've finished browsing MAS and Airasia website and guess what, I'll be home in January. Not to forget, with my Canon EOS 40D.
I remember the day I bought my first camera, it was Ben-Q C500. Black colour, and a very light camera. I bring the camera every where, took my self taken picture (most of it, haha), some landscape and building for rememberance in the future. It was a very sweet memories that I captured with the camera, until the camera totally broken and the cost to repair is just a price of a new camera. It was a shocked for me.
I stopped taking picture. I can’t afford for another camera. For me it’s just enough to take picture with my PDA, doesn’t matter of how the quality of the picture, as well as I can capture the scene and that’s it. Transfer to my laptop and wait until I can take another good shoot. Until one fine day at Starbucks in Alamanda, I tried Rosimah’s Canon EOS 450D. For just a beginner like me, who doesn’t really know of what is the exposure, or what so ever, what do you expect? From 100 picture that I’ve take, there’s one or two that for me is so nice. The interest to buy a DSLR come but it just not like I must have it. I said to my self, I’ll have it when I have enough saving. Just one day, one day.
I’m visitting Leez parent’s when I found out that Haizun sister owned the Canon EOS 500D. I almost screamed! What the heck with this people nowadays? Suddenly photography is the new trend? I then realize that most of my office colleague and my friend owned the variety of DSLR camera. I asked my self, how long did I stayed in my little room? Did I missed the update of life so much until I didn’t realize about having my own DSLR?
I just don’t care about my interest, I denied my hobby. I know this is an expensive hobby and somehow I can’t afford it. But then, I’ve been thinking, why if they can have it but why don’t I?
Now, I’m just counting the days to have my own Canon EOS 40D. When was it? My birthday? Or might be tomorow?
Where did I went wrong with this judgement? Was all of the decisions that I've made is not the one that I should choose? Did I use my mind to think or I just follow the pressure of my heart to feel? Was I?
There is few decisions in this life wasn't really that meant to be. It might become the correct answer to everythings but sometimes it's just a big mistake that you've done. Most of us already experiencing it and most of the time we will denying it hence pointing the silly mistakes to the other but forget that the mistakes came from ourself.
So, why should I feel demotivated? Might be because I feel useless. Feel like I'm very stupid. Life is just like a game of Chess. You have to win not matter what or which way you've taken. Think like others but maintain your creativity. Do remember this; people laugh at you because you're different, then laugh at them because they are just the same.
It's was just a very long day. That's it. I'm unable to sleep because of unplanned thingy. While I should just stay at home and spend every single seconds in front of my laptop, I decided to go out and takes some fresh air. Well, just assume that the Ulu Yam Picnic was the real plan (Kemensah was nice, but due to something I shall say 'technical dissatisfaction' issue, they rather choose to be alone in the jungle).
Should I write about it? Or just write about something that I've experience for this passed few day? Well guys, if you're hoping that I'll write about Ulu Yam, then you're pathetic.
This things comes into my mind few minutes ago. It's either I like it or not, few things happened and it's really makes me feel annoyed and irritated. Is it normal? Might be because of my behaviour itself or I just realized that it just wasn't my way. Did I say I'm not satisfied. Might be but for sure I have to satisfied. Because in the end, I'll keep on denying my true feeling, making that sweet fake face, why can I just be accepting everything? Is this a middle age crisis? Might be I forget that I'm not the only one that have 'feelings'. I realized that I'm sharing this space with you, its either I like it or not, it is not me to decide. Soon or later, I've to work together. Yeah right! (I'm faking the statement).
Why do people have to depend on each other if in the end we're all alone?
I just want a simple improvement, for me to achieve my goal in my life. I don't have any guidance and I'm not sure if everything that I've done is on the correct path. But I don't know which path should I choose? Should I be left, or I just simply choose for the right?
Can I be the leader? Will I be someone idol? Do I have the power?
I'm not really interested to write regarding any anti-rules or regulation but this anti-ISA thingy makes me feel want to write something about it. To be fair, I'm not familiar with any law or any form of regulations, but as a Malaysian citizen, I feel sad to watch the stupidity of others, being used by somebody for their political agenda.
For what you're being arrested like the guy in the picture. I don't know this guy, neither do you right?. Might be he's a manager in the government office or a law student, why should you protest about the government law? As long as you're being a good citizen and not doing any big and dangerous crime, then you're safe from ISA. So please, don't make ourself look so stupid on the lens of the world.
Hard days MADE me, hard nites SHAPED me~ I dont know they somehow SAVED me and I know I'm making something out of this life they call NOTHING.. I take what i want, take what i need.. u say its WRONG but its still RIGHT for me ..